Showing posts from July, 2010

Home just isn't as sweet

Have you ever been doubtful about the things you want? Have you ever questioned your own emotions and considered them false? It can be a struggle for me to outwardly show emotions I feel within. There are times when crying is all I want to do, but no tears show. As I sit here on this plane there is only one person that comes to mind. As I travel the distance between us is increasing, and the next time we will meet is unknown. There always is something about the unknown isn't there. That shapeless form that is void of all specificity. The unknown in this case only means there maybe no limit until the time I see her again. The window seat has always been my favorite. The unknown was always a puzzle for me because I believe that if I know what I am against I can defend myself. The premature fear of flying is cured with the window seat, the premature fear of needles was cured by watching the doctors every move. What shall I do when there is no way for me to face the unknown? Run as

"Warm nights and Cold Patron"

The interesting thing is that nothing changed. Although, while leaving the airplane I assumed it would. Second guessing yourself while in love only lead to doubt, and I would much rather be head over heels. Consider the facts: we are on the same level, personalities mesh and interactions are always climatic. Yes, I have seen the light. Atlanta, Georgia may seem like a vacation spot for now, but it soon may become home. Let's make it worth while and wait, in hopes that we can manage that time alone. Sometime the experience is out of body, but I am fully aware of my bliss. There is no reason to question what I am experiencing. I have said enough. . ..swimming

Coonery and Foolery

There is nothing I hate more than looking like a fool. Not too long ago I was introduced to a n interview that Bob Marley had done in 1979. He was constantly asked about marijuana and why Rastafarian's need to smoke weed. He didn't even really understand the question because to him there was no "need" to smoke it was just part of his life. Bob Marley took two substances that have been controlled by the government. Prohibition was the governments ban on alcohol but the movement didn't last long because people naturally rebel. The government released their hold and just put some regulations. Now Bob's theory was that the government gave us liquor to make us drunk and to make us stupid. They take away marijuana because it makes you think and question. The government has never been interested in answering questions, and marijuana doesn't keep you in a box like alcohol does. This entire post is filled with deep regret because my actions led to cooner

So, when did you fall in love?

There is little to discuss. I feel almost consumed by this and it really driving me mad. I wish that I was given the chance to understand what this would be like. Seems I was not so lucky. Do not assume that Love is something that you can choose. I don't want to wish I could delete this 4 months down the line. It is premature and I know that I should take my time, but I am diving head first. I do Love and it is in me. For years I had doubted the true Love within myself, but I have been proven wrong though her. "But the spotlight makes you nervous" .. The lyrics to this song have been in my head all day. Drake's Album makes me nod my head in agreement. Then again there is again that pain that hurts so good. I cannot believe how I am reacting, and I haven't even thought about the options. There truly are none. I fell... shit!

It's just a Re-run.

we can complain all day, but someone has to take the responsibility eventually. Writing has been coming to me like hot flashes. Menopausal thoughts flow from my pen and onto a hormone filled page. Okay, enough menopause metaphors, lets get to the meat and potatoes, grits and eggs, so to speak. Summer 2010 is anything but chilly. The heatwave is not only affecting the clothes I wear, but the activities I partake in as well. This job at the Printing Factory is mentally and physically draining, all leading to my low levels of social activity. A recent bout with my mother shows me that things are not going smoothly below the surface. A microscope will not cut it, and I'm going to need something bigger. It is easy to lash out on others when there is something in your life that is out of control. Trying to punish someone else for my own unhappiness seems to do nothing but leave me unfulfilled, and like bad sex there is no high point. The true predicament lies in Marietta, Georgia.