Monday, July 26, 2010

Home just isn't as sweet

Have you ever been doubtful about the things you want? Have you ever questioned your own emotions and considered them false? It can be a struggle for me to outwardly show emotions I feel within. There are times when crying is all I want to do, but no tears show.

As I sit here on this plane there is only one person that comes to mind. As I travel the distance between us is increasing, and the next time we will meet is unknown. There always is something about the unknown isn't there. That shapeless form that is void of all specificity. The unknown in this case only means there maybe no limit until the time I see her again.

The window seat has always been my favorite. The unknown was always a puzzle for me because I believe that if I know what I am against I can defend myself. The premature fear of flying is cured with the window seat, the premature fear of needles was cured by watching the doctors every move. What shall I do when there is no way for me to face the unknown? Run as fast as I can.

Although my thoughts seem scattered with no climax. I believe the message is clear, but not crystal enough for the blind. Pia is the unknown and our entire future together is unknown. There is no window seat into the future, so the only way to see what's up ahead is to experience it. I left her today and I couldn't cry. I wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn't come. I looked at her over and over hoping to memorize each feature. We made love endlessly and I gave every inch of myself to her. No matter how close I feel and how real it is my mind will not rest on the subject.

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"People are in your life for seasons and anything that happens is for a reason." Kanye west said it best and I cannot help but to agree. Goodbye to old friendships and hello to new love.

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