Monday, July 5, 2010

It's just a Re-run.

we can complain all day, but someone has to take the responsibility eventually.

Writing has been coming to me like hot flashes. Menopausal thoughts flow from my pen and onto a hormone filled page. Okay, enough menopause metaphors, lets get to the meat and potatoes, grits and eggs, so to speak.


Summer 2010 is anything but chilly. The heatwave is not only affecting the clothes I wear, but the activities I partake in as well. This job at the Printing Factory is mentally and physically draining, all leading to my low levels of social activity. A recent bout with my mother shows me that things are not going smoothly below the surface. A microscope will not cut it, and I'm going to need something bigger.

It is easy to lash out on others when there is something in your life that is out of control. Trying to punish someone else for my own unhappiness seems to do nothing but leave me unfulfilled, and like bad sex there is no high point.

The true predicament lies in Marietta, Georgia. I recently visited ATL for about 4 days of intoxication, but lets just call it a vacation. It went better than expected, except I forgot to pack my heart up in my suitcase when I left, and It has been there since. The only thing left to do is go back and try not to forget it, but the chances are highly unlikely. With every passing day these emotions grow and help to facilitate in my decrease in social levels and increase in couch time. Of course blaming my lack of ambition on where my heart is will do nothing to make it better, but I have no other solution.

Moving on...

New York has been my home since birth, and even when I left for the suburbs I longed for a reunion. I have been here for 5 years and this should be my last year that I have to be in the insomniac city. Where will I go from here? Recollecting my heart from ATL seems like a valid place to rest, but I want to be established. I need to start heading in the right direction -someone get me a map!

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A short story I wrote while drunk on the D train:

There was something in the way she looked at you. It was if you were the only one In the world, of course she never looked at me that way. Her glance was all I managed to evoke from her, and I relished every minute.
"Did you study for Prof. Rease class?" It purged from my lips.
"Yea, it should be a breeze". she replied without looking.
She always had a way of dismissing me politely, and I admired her yet and still.
That was the most we ever interacted -you see its not easy living this life. Hiding, but hoping your seen. I never thought she would see me as I saw her.

I visited an erotic store hoping to release some of this tension. I walked in and the clerk had flaming red hair, I already knew I was awaiting some surprises. She waved from afar and I nodded my head while walking toward the lubricants. The colors of the bottles matched each flavor and I was tempted to try each one. Hiding, but wanting to be seen is not something I'v done to myself, but what society has done to me. Kinky thoughts are just a few of the reasons to hide. While I began to drift off I dropped one of the heated lubricants, after picking it up I saw her right in front of me.

"Hey there teachers pet" she said while staring down with a smile.

I didn't know if I could stand back up.

"Hello silent girl" I joked back.

"Just because I have less to say than you, does not make me silent girl. You speak for both of us" she said while helping me up.

"So what brings you here?" She qizzed.

I found myself speaking with less hesitation. "The same reasons you came". She said with a smirk. "So what do you like?"

I lost my nerve and walked away feverishly. The exit seemed miles away, but she had already started to circle towards me.

"The only conversation you can muster is academics?" she said while looking at me with piercing eyes.

"You don't see me like I see you, so it's a watse of words" I said staring back.

The clerk interrupted us by bringing over a double-headed dildo. "This is perfect for a couple on the rocks". She said with a devilish grin. "Get the fire back in the bedroom".

We looked at each other and proceeded to head for the door. She jumped in the drivers side of her Eclipse, then came back out.

"I know how you feel!" She blurted uncontrollably. "I want to be seen too, but it can't happen now".

The key was in the door and I didn't want to look up. How could she have known, we had barely shared a paragraph.

"Don't hide from me though, that would be a mistake because I know more than you think." she said with confidence.

The was something in the way she looked at you and I wasn't fit to defend myself from its' power. Neither could I when she walked over to me and kissed me. It felt like I was the only one in the world. Of course It would only last for a split second, and I pushed her away to enter the car.

"Vic! Are you serious?" She yelled while beating the hood. "Stop hiding when your itching to be noticed!"

I backed out of the parking lot and hurried to my house. You probably thought she would be the one to chicken out, but no I'm the one in hiding. Life isn't always fair and I have taken this as my cross to bear.

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