When the Talking Stops
Even though I can scribble words all over a notepad and blog in between work I still am horrible at communication.
I read an article in Vibe Magazine about 50 cent. Not that 50 cent is anyone to aspire to, but the man does have a way with words. It has nothing to do with being articulate or having a huge vocabulary, but allowing the words that you mean to flow from your lips. He was commenting on an altercation between himself and Eminem/Dr.Dre. He said that their way of dealing with issues is NOT dealing with issues. He questioned peoples ability or inability to deal with issues. 50 cent is not one to avoid confrontation, and it is exactly those type of people that he can easily bully. Those few words helped me to reflect on my own verbal inabilities. I am the master of acting as if people don't exist to 'deal' with a problem. The truth is I don't deal with them at all.
Most of the people that I considered friends are gone. I have done this. I pushed them away because they upset me for some reason, and instead of speaking out I stay silent. This leads to their elimination from my life.
Seriously though, they are really all gone.
The most interesting part is that I don't know if it is all a bad thing necessarily. I am guilty of handling situation incorrectly, and I am guilty for lacking in communication. Not sure If I am guilty for the whole of it though.
Opening myself to new people seemed like the best idea, after I noticed they were all gone. People around me had always questioned my choice in friends, but I simply would not hear it. Here I am now, and no one is around. Guess they were right.
I want to go places, succeed, live, love, and drink with a new crowd of folks that share the same interests. This isn't like dating, and I'm not one for internet love, so it seems this won't happen overnight. I am completely okay with that though because isolating myself maybe the best decision I've made right now..
0ne thing I learned for sure: Shutting people out is NOT the way to handle any conflict. Talk, Speak, and Yell even just make sure you both express yourselves.