It's been awhile since my last post, but it's not that things have come to a sudden halt. Fortunately, I've secured a solid position, and money won't be such an issue. The anticipation of a check sure does lighten my mood. Although, this isn't the subject of my post, nor do I see a concrete "topic" surfacing out the rambling I am about to dive into.
There is an old double standard that women have never been able to shake. Men are granted the opportunity to "sample" all of the women they choose, while uttering the word whore, skank, and etc. to any woman that sexually surpasses him. I've always been perplexed by our society for this. When did this happen? Does it really go back to ancient texts such as the Bible? I cannot hold Eve responsible for this burden. She acquired knowledge, she didn't sleep around. Then where does it stem from?
At the moment, I find myself shoulders deep in a fulfilling relationship. I'm happy and satisfied. Yet, I can't stop myself from looking over my shoulder. Am I oversexed or incapable of monogamy? I've had a few relationships, but I know that I crave the opportunity to experience more. Life isn't just about random hook ups or sexual excursions. There is so much more to living that I haven't done, but maybe I see sex as something I can obtain without money, property or a contract. Could my need for various types of relationships be only a temporary reaction to my financial and social standing? I'm just not sure. Does that then make me a whore or skank? According to society it does!
Within me there are nothing but good intentions. Now I feel like I'm garbage because I would be willing to hurt the one that I love just to see what the "grass" is like somewhere else. They say you should love the one you're with, and I totally agree. I just wish I could stop wondering what if...