Monday, July 30, 2012

The Mis-Adventures of a Lesbian Online Dater




Online dating may seem like a foreign world to many, but it's like home to me. Since my first desktop computer I have been communicating online with complete strangers. Looking back at all that now, I'll definitely limit the amount of internet use my own children get. Sex is vagrant on the internet, all types of sex...

Through different dating platforms, I have met some really interesting people. I prefer to refer to them as characters. The most interesting ones were the momentary, temporary things that came and went. I'll tell you about one, although I'm not quick to admit the total...


Hippie Chic: we talked for a few and she seemed so blunt. We exchanged photos, ideas and finally decided to meet. From her photos I was excited to meet her. She seemed eclectic. I met her downtown, near her job. We walked to a restaurant and started talking. Her smile was warm, and her blunt personality seemed more relaxed in person. I felt I could handle this. Whenever that feeling comes over me I start to relax more, and show my silly side.  People like to laugh with people that have goals. If you don't have goals, then they just assume you're a clown.


We laughed and I got some calls from other friends. Interestingly, I'm always quick to end a first date. I told her I was going to meet some friends and that it was a nice time. She didn't want to let it end, so she accompanied me to my destination. I hadn't planned on ending my night with her, but I was already starting to feel tired. I was able to sleep over my friends house, but I assumed she would be leaving. Although I showed signs of sleep all over my face, she didn't seem to take the initiative, so I invited her to spend the night. She hopped in the bed, and I drifted to sleep. To this day I still regret bringing her back. Sometimes a date has to end where it begins.


During the middle of the night, she began scratching at me, and touching me. She pulled me toward her. I began to kiss her body, rubbed the spot and went in. She responded as expected. We rolled around. She came. I went back to sleep for an hour. I got up, still tired and she left with me.


The weekend followed. We spoke through text. Monday, I received a text from her in which she expressed her annoyance at women that did not mentally satisfy her. I shook my head over and over at her messages, but I could tell where this was going. I hadn't known her long enough to work at convincing her I was someone she should spend time on. If she couldn't see that, I was not going to explain it. Then she asked me why I would give her anything more than conversation. I had no real words for her because I was still a little taken back by the question. I, hadn't given her anything of my own body. I placed a finger in her vigorously for ten minutes. She was the only one to receive or feel anything. Why was I now at fault? I suppose I'll never know...


***


I really have several varying stories from online dating. What each of these experiences has taught me is the frailty in emotion. Feelings are not sealed or set in stone. All they leave behind is a stain or a memory. We are kidding ourselves to believe anything lasts. I am in no way against online dating. I have met some really different people thru social platforms. The internet may not be he most "trusted" source, but we are baring our souls on the web more and more. The internet cannot be trusted because we as its creators cannot be trusted. Meeting someone in person or at a bar is no different. We put on false faces and greet each other with smiles that will soon fade. Similar to that profile photo that may not fully depict how you look before you painted that face.

Dating has taught me patience, vulnerability, risk and most of all the meaning of temporary. Feelings that are strong enough to transcend time are worth holding onto. We are in love with the falling, but hate everything after. I am only a fan of the first hour of meeting someone, they almost glow...

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