Wednesday, September 5, 2012

The Mis-Adventures of a Lesbian Online Dater pt. 2

Another online dating story to follow up the first one:

One day, I was sitting with my mother, and we started talking about ways to meet people. I stressed to her the necessity of going out and meeting people in person. I told her that there is nothing compared to just meeting someone at a bar, while shopping, or through unexpected conversation. She told me that it's not the same for her generation. She believes dating for a middle aged woman isn't as simple as going to a bar and hoping for the best. I was instantly reminded of a conversation I had with a college friend, and he said that his father felt online dating was the only way he would find love. We were both perplexed that our intelligent parents could be so wrong.

For my generation, the internet is a means to hooking up. This phrase has several different meaning to different people, but one thing stays the same; hooking up is NOT long term. It's a temporary thing that only leads to a lasting relationship if the two people involved want that to happen. We feel that meeting someone online does not guarantee a relationship, but that does not stop us from creating a profile on any and every dating website we can find. As a veteran at online dating or online hookups, I can say that I have tried all tactics at attracting people. There are so many methods and my most tried and true has been through personality. I firmly believe that woman and men are more attracted to people that are hard to get. Everyone likes a challenge..

Downelink.com was a website I used to frequent, which specializes in online dating for the LGBT community. This site started off as mainly a dating platform but has since tried to transform itself into it's own social networking site. When I began using it, I had only one thought in mind, how can I hook up?
I'll tell you about one of the most memorable people I met through the platform, as she is still someone I communicate with every now and then.

Boston: I knew that getting people to notice me on Downelink or any other site required me to use it. Not just visit to check up on hit backs, but communicate and sift through the site. While doing my daily checkup, I received a message from a girl in Boston, MA. She seemed shy and removed. She provided a scarce amount of pictures and even less information. Her message was a one liner, telling me she found me attractive and ended with an open ended question that lead me to believe she wanted to talk. My exact reply escapes me, but I remember it being some ridiculously over-confident message telling her that she would fall in love with me. Although I would never reply in that way now, for some reason she got a kick out of me, and we kept on talking. When I say talking, I mean everyday, all the time, and I was so into her personality. She had a daughter and at the time distance, and children signified that this wouldn't be something I would do for the long term. I was a junior in college that was fairly new to lesbian life; I still persisted.

After a few weeks of phone dating, I purchased a bus ticket to Boston. I remember telling her that if she left me at the bus station after a 4 hour trip to Boston that she should NEVER contact me again. She assured me that wouldn't happen. I got off the bus, and she was waiting in her car, and I was pleased by her small stature and pretty face. A chic that can drive is always a turn on, and she was not scared to be aggressive. We drove over to a bar/bowling alley, and I drank while she smiled at me shyly. I wasn't scared to meet her because I felt like I knew her. We talked, dined, and I thought I had this one in the bag. We got back to her apartment, and it was spotless. She was obviously super clean, which I also adore in a woman. I tried my best to get in her pants, but I could see that this wasn't going to be a hit and split type of thing. It was tough shit getting her to give me a kiss. At this time in my life, immediate gratification was high on the totem pole. For her, being physical in that wasn't necessary, and I just kept thinking I'd get it either way.

After that first trip to Boston, we continued to talk, and I adored her more and more. She was witty, fiery, and she grew to know more about me than I had let her know. I made two more trips to Boston before cowardly calling it quits with her. At the time, I wasn't prepared to actually be nurturing to someone or respect that not everyone has the same super sex-drive as myself. What I learned from Boston will never be forgotten, even while writing this I feel a bit solemn at the thought of what could have been. Then again, what  could have been differs from what should be. I'm glad we've remained in contact although I couldn't live up to all that she may have thought I was. Luckily, she was exactly who I thought she was: beautiful, independent, and unshakable in her beliefs. While I have maintained my sex drive =)

Reactions:

0 comments: