Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The Mis-Adventures of a Lesbian Online Dater pt. 4

One of the scariest, unsafe, and seedy places to start your online dating options is, CraigsList.com. This website isn't really secure for anything, be it selling phones, buying phones or looking for jobs. Yet, I have used the site for all three. So, I took the risk and scoured the site for a date, well, let me be honest, a hookup.

Here are the rules of Craig's List dating:
1. Watch out for the spammers and/or fake postings.
2. A casual encounter is exactly what it sounds like, unless, you both change your mind.
3. Never use a professional email address, your name, or your phone number.
    Until you're sure this person is legit.
4. Be careful with sending out photos.
    Those photos can be reused for things you would never have imagined.
5. Once you have found a candidate, try and get 'em on the phone just to be halfway sure.
6. Should you decide to meet up, pick a place that's open and well-lit.
7. Remember where you met this person(CraigsList), and that there is a possibility that you aren't the first or the last.

Becoming acquainted with this style of dating wasn't too different from any other. Safety and precaution are top priority, behind attractiveness, of course. I ventured out into this world with two goals, stay alive and get laid! Before deciding, CraigsList.com wasn't the social medium for me, I met this one FAR OUT chic. Let me tell you about her...

Lion-Mane: I had this fantasy I wanted to fulfill. The long and short of it? I had never been with a Caucasian woman, so I thought CraigsList could help me with that.

She had a post stating that she wanted to "meet those beautiful black women she saw walking down Eastern Parkway in Brooklyn". She longed for the "Afrocentric beauties that jogged by her as she gazed". I don't exactly fulfill any of those qualities, but I figured we could work on it for the night. 

We got to texting during the day and she seemed interesting. We decided to meet on Eastern Parkway, which was okay with me because I knew the area fairly well. I got off the train and sat on a nearby bench. Approximately five minutes later, a slim, blonde chic with a fanny pack rode up on her bicycle. She was a petite woman with long straight hair, and a silver nose ring. Although it appeared she didn't try very hard at presenting herself, she was actually quite beautiful. We laughed, talked, and managed to lower the amount of awkward in the air. She commented on my appearance positively, as I did hers. We were in our own little world, until, we were approached by a group of men. They each commented on how pretty we were together. Then the one closest to me asked me about my haircut, and told me how much he liked it. Lion-Mane was obviously uninterested and didn't even want to continue a conversation. I asked them to just let us talk for a while, and tried to be polite, until one mentioned taking her fanny pack. I quickly added some bass to my voice trying to show them that I was NOT allowing them to rob my new friend. They walked off, and so did we...

Lion-Mane asked if I wanted to go back to her place because she lived nearby. I stopped for a beer and we made our way. We sat on the steps of her brownstone and talked about relationships and her current living situation. She lived with an older black woman that rented her one of the master bedrooms. We walked inside and into her bedroom, where she showed me some of her DJ equipment. She dimmed the room lights and put on of her slower mixes. We then both started taking off our clothes, both in panties and a bra. We fell into the bed. She kissed me slowly, while I touched every inch of her. I pulled her undies down and landed in the hairiest fur ball of pubic hair I have ever encountered. It was as long as the hair on her head. I could only compare the texture to that of a Lion-Mane. Trying to remain composed I digged through trying to find her sweet spot, but I struggled to reach the bottom. She rolled on-top of me and began to grind on my leg for about five minutes until she climaxed.

pubes
I laid there stunned and still tried to mentally map out the terrain of her vagina, while she lay breathing heavy. She laid a hand over me and I just closed my eyes for two hours before I gathered my clothes and left. We never spoke again. Not because of the sex, but because I knew I wasn't the bohemian, afrocentric chic that she really wanted. Oh, and I hadn't recovered from the shock of her epic Lion-Mane.

***

Lion-Mane taught me no essential life lesson. I have no issue with pubic hair, in fact, I think too little pubic hair makes a woman look like a child. What I did learn, is that sometimes it's best to come first.



Part 1, 2 & 3 of the series.

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