Yesterday, I was asked by some old college friends to help them with an idea they came up with for a documentary. The potential film revolves around a socially awkward Asian man named Toby. He is also a 22 year old virgin. My friends seek to "help" Toby by getting him coaches, providing advice and building his self-esteem; all while filming his progress. The documentary style film could be a success if done properly. My role in the film is as a coach so to speak, assisting in building Toby's confidence.
Once I arrived we talked, and then they filmed while asking me questions about relationships and about my strategy when trying to talk to a woman. As I answered these questions and tried to breakdown the complexities of attracting the opposite sex or the same sex, it never occurred to me that our "help" could be utterly ridiculous. Just because we have all had our own share of experiences doesn't mean that we are any more equipped to assist Toby. At the time it escaped me that our basis for feeling Toby was somehow losing out because he hasn't had sex was sad. Is a heterosexual mans worth directly effected by the amount of women he has laid? Ethical people would say no, but it's blatant that society says yes. Toby has graduated college, he spends time with his family, he seems to have his own interests, yet everyone in the room just wanted to help him get laid.
Were we the ones that needed coaching?
I see myself as a sexual person. I'm aware of my body, how it works sexually, what I like and what I don't like. I enjoy sex, love making, fucking, and most things in between. I came to be this self aware person from experience. No one assisted me in getting these experiences. I sought them out at the times I did and tried to learn from each one. If I was still a virgin at 24 in this society it would be coveted. Some women wouldn't understand my need to hold onto my virginity, while some would praise me for remaining so. As a woman it wouldn't be as necessary for me to pass this milestone. The pressure we put on men to obtain sexual prowess is unbelievable.
I just hope whenever Toby does come to the point where he is comfortable enough to have sex, that the woman he chooses has an open heart and an open mind.