Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Being Gay is a Choice?


Since the first talk my mother and I had concerning my sexuality, I knew that this wouldn't be a walk in the park. We sat in my room together, and as the words slipped from my mouth it seemed to get darker and colder all at once. As her head lowered, I knew that she was disappointed, despite how much she loves me.

Today, my mother and I have little quarrels over her assumptions and thoughtless comments concerning the LGBTQ community. On some occasions I have the strength to check her on these comments, but sometimes I just don't have the energy

During a recent conversation, we were discussing a woman I know in passing who is currently dating someone close to me. She says, "...oh and that straight girl, because you can't have a baby and then date women!" Although this argument is consistently used by lesbians all over, I don't want to hear it from my hetero-normative mother. Why? Because she isn't sympathetic. She has a lesbian daughter that she supports mainly because I don't wear my sexuality on my sleeve. If I traded summer dresses for camo shorts and fitteds she would look at me quite differently. The point is, lesbians can have babies. Ultimately, bisexuals can have babies too!

is being gay a choice
Anyway, I came across an article on Elixher.com about fresh out-the-closet recording artist Monifah:
"…I had a bad relationship with this older guy who was real controlling.  After that I thought, I”m going to the girl’s club, I’m going to meet a woman, I’m going to date a woman.  I’m going to find a woman.  I just made a conscious decision.
… It wasn't like I hated men or anything.  I just thought I’m going to give that a break, because I've never experienced a relationship with a woman, and I was curious.  I thought it would be a good way to give the guys a break.  I was going to live my life, I was just going to be me."
Unfortunately, this statement then brings back the age old argument that being gay is a choice. 
Monifah's ability to own her sexuality is great, but her stating that she made a "conscious decision" to be with women could debunk the thought that sexuality isn't something a person can choose. The author of the article refers to Monifah's choice as a salute to free love; "Within the hetero-, homo-, and non-identifying communities there are those who embrace the fluidity of attraction, concluding that there are no confines to sexuality.  It is not only acceptable but expectant of human nature for an individual to be attracted to one entity today and another tomorrow, regardless of their gender." Truthfully, I do believe in fluidity, but I also believe that there are just as many heterosexual people that are concrete in their sexuality unable to have sex with someone of the same sex.

Is this concrete sexuality only for men? Are women more likely to experiment with sexual fluidity than men?

Unfortunately, I haven't done any research to provide an answer, but I do believe there are women that choose to "switch teams" because of bad experiences with men. I have also encountered old lovers that were similarly tired of dating women.

***


Personally, I did not choose to be gay. I did not wake-up one morning and decide to be sexually attracted to women. When I think back, the signs had always been there. Then again, I sometimes consider that I could have chosen not to be gay, but would I have been happy? I guess I'll never know because I made the choice to follow my heart err... vagina?


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