The Challenges of Dating as a Bi Woman

*By Guest Blogger Katie E

Whether you’re gay or straight, dating is difficult. However, when you’re dating as a bi woman, you get both sets of challenges — and then some. Gay women are wary of you. Straight men objectify you (and then they’re wary of you). Bi women are more often bi-curious than bi-sexual and you’re well past the years of wanting to be someone’s first or teach them the ropes.

However, if you want to find a life partner (or even a second date), you have to keep putting yourself out there. You’d think the advent of online dating would make things easier, but it often seems to further complicate things. If you’re ready to get back out there, whether you’re newly single or tackling a dry spell, here are some easy ways to go about it.

Avoid the Definition of Insanity

When you keep doing the same things and expecting different results, that’s the colloquial definition of insanity and yet that’s what so many people do when dating. You might go to the same bars, stay on the same dating site or go to the same mixers and then wonder why nothing’s changed. You need to change your environment if you want to tap into new dating pools, but how do you get started?

As a bi woman, you might naturally try to seek out meetups or events that are geared towards what you've pigeonholed yourself into. However, LGBTQ events are often more gay than bi, and “regular” dating events are focused on the straight crowd. You don’t fully fit into either. This doesn't mean you should give up; it means you should start thinking outside the box.

Dating Doesn't Require an RSVP

You don’t need to seek out singles mixers or dating events to find someone you fancy. Instead, focus on what you love or what you’d like to try. Rowing classes, a classical book club or live music events are all prime for meeting someone new. The supposed downside is that you don’t know who’s looking, but that’s perfectly okay.

You don’t need to have a connection with every person you talk to. If you pursue what you love and are open to talking to people, that’s enough. At the very least, you’ll likely have an interesting conversation since you both have similar interests. The trick is actually getting out there.

Commit to Yourself

You’re not going to meet anyone, potential date or otherwise, if you don’t get out there. It can seem like work, and it certainly is at times. However, commit to doing something at least once per week that you enjoy.

Think of dating as similar to 12 step rehab. You know the steps you have to take, you know what doesn’t work and you know where you want to be. Now it’s doing the leg work to get there. Put in the time, try at least one new thing a week and be open to the possibilities. 

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