The Challenges of Dating as a Bi Woman
*By Guest Blogger Katie E
Whether you’re gay or straight, dating is difficult. However, when you’re dating as a bi woman, you get both sets of challenges — and then some. Gay women are wary of you. Straight men objectify you (and then they’re wary of you). Bi women are more often bi-curious than bi-sexual and you’re well past the years of wanting to be someone’s first or teach them the ropes.
Whether you’re gay or straight, dating is difficult. However, when you’re dating as a bi woman, you get both sets of challenges — and then some. Gay women are wary of you. Straight men objectify you (and then they’re wary of you). Bi women are more often bi-curious than bi-sexual and you’re well past the years of wanting to be someone’s first or teach them the ropes.
However,
if you want to find a life partner (or even a second date), you have to keep
putting yourself out there. You’d think the advent of online dating would make
things easier, but it
often seems to further complicate things. If you’re ready to get back out
there, whether you’re newly single or tackling a dry spell, here are some easy
ways to go about it.
Avoid the Definition of
Insanity
When you
keep doing the same things and expecting different results, that’s the
colloquial definition of insanity and yet that’s what so many people do when
dating. You might go to the same bars, stay on the same dating site or go to
the same mixers and then wonder why nothing’s changed. You need to change your
environment if you want to tap into new dating pools, but how do you get
started?
As a bi
woman, you might naturally try to seek out meetups or events that are geared
towards what you've pigeonholed yourself into. However, LGBTQ events are often
more gay than bi, and “regular” dating events are focused on the straight
crowd. You don’t fully fit into either. This doesn't mean you should give up;
it means you should start thinking outside the box.
Dating Doesn't Require an
RSVP
You don’t
need to seek out singles mixers or dating events to find someone you fancy.
Instead, focus on what you love or what you’d like to try. Rowing classes, a
classical book club or live music events are all prime for meeting someone new.
The supposed downside is that you don’t know who’s looking, but that’s
perfectly okay.
You
don’t need to have a connection with every person you talk to. If you pursue
what you love and are open to talking to people, that’s enough. At the very
least, you’ll likely have an interesting conversation since you both have
similar interests. The trick is actually getting out there.
Commit to Yourself
You’re
not going to meet anyone, potential date or otherwise, if you don’t get out
there. It can seem like work, and it certainly is at times. However, commit to
doing something at least once per week that you enjoy.
Think of
dating as similar to 12 step rehab. You know the steps you have
to take, you know what doesn’t work and you know where you want to be. Now it’s
doing the leg work to get there. Put in the time, try at least one new thing a
week and be open to the possibilities.
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