Monday, August 5, 2013

Smash N' Dash: Is No Strings Attached Sex Shameful?

no strings attached sex image

"If you want this, we have to be in a relationship" she said just above a whisper. "Cause I'm not giving it up like that." 


Those few words lead me to a year long relationship with a girl that was my polar opposite. I knew what I wanted from her, and ultimately she knew what I'd do to get it. If only I had had the forethought and maturity to realize it was not worth it.

Before my parents were born, there was an impression made on young 

people early on that in order to have sex they have to be married. It was thought that sex before marriage went against religion, cultural norms and for women it was seen as especially unladylike. Since these seemingly prehistoric days, much has changed in the ways in which people interact sexually. The sexual revolution brought about a new outlook into what people do behind closed doors. Unfortunately, a woman is still seen as "loose" for being sexual, but I'm still hoping things will change. Mainly because women care less and less about what society has to say about their vagina's.

sex before marriage imageWhile hanging out with some friends we got to talking about this trend that some people follow in believing they have to date someone in order to have sex with them. I've done it. I think we all have. Gotten into a relationship with someone with the sole purpose of seeing what their like in the sack. This is probably one of the biggest mistakes one can make and my friends and I agreed that being honest with someone about your intentions are less hurtful, and less time consuming then stringing them alone for a piece of that pie.

Experiences are what make life worth while. We go on vacations, try food from different cultures and make new friends all for the new experiences that they bring. Living life horizontally isn't what makes it an adventure. It's about those ups and downs that make for amazing stories. I happen to feel the same way about sex; specifically safe sex. Prior to finding that "one" person we choose to be with exclusively; life is sort of like a big taste test. Am I sounding sleazy? Well call me what you will!

The point is, although we've let go of the sex before marriage ideal, we still feel as though we have to have some sort of relationship with someone before we can ask to see them naked. For some people this is in imperative, but so many others are genuine. In my opinion, this belief is what has lead to many a heartbreak. When people that don't have the guts to be honest with someone settle for the sneaky route and lie to them, they take away from that individuals ability to trust. You may come to find out that the guy you sit across from on the train every morning or the barista that makes your latte just right, wants to get down with you too! Hell, you might even get a relationship out of it.

After asking a close friend of mine her opinion on it, she told me she felt like people just don't want to be judged. That having sex with someone for the sole purpose of physical satisfaction made people feel self-conscious about what others may think of them. I scoffed at the thought of others judging me on who I decide to sleep with, and then I remembered I'm a lesbian. It's our society that has built these walls around sexuality, that has imposed on our ability to be open in this way because we're afraid of being shamed for it. Keep this in mind though, we make up our society...

Of course there is always the option to keep your escapades to yourself, but that is yet another way to shield you from the negativity you believe will follow. Salt-n-Pepa said it best, "if I wanna take a guy, home with me tonight. It's none of your business!"

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