Monday, August 19, 2013

Online Dating For The "Single White Female"

by Guest Blogger Victoria F.

22/Scorpio/White/Female/Single/College/Employed

                These bland facts don’t exactly describe me, but for the purposes of online dating, it’s all I needed. When you have an online dating profile; everything people know about you is strictly based on what you tell them. When I first decided to create one, and share my new adventure with friends, a lot of them were apprehensive to say the least. Quite a few of them warned me and said "don't get Catfished" - which has since become such an internet epidemic that MTV made a show all about it. After spending a decent amount of time on my own, I've decided to see what the internet could have to offer me. I've tried meeting people at bars or at clubs, but it doesn't usually go anywhere. Perhaps I'll exchange numbers with someone, but that never led me to an actual relationship. More often than not, clubs are filled with mostly twenty-something’s all looking for one good night. I've never been into that type of thing, and I've decided if I do get involved with somebody it would be in the exclusive sense. As I am slowly growing to appreciate my early twenties, I have also found myself to be a bit more open about my sexuality, which I believed would also provide me with more options while searching these dating sites.

Some individuals only seek hook-ups and are usually honest about that. I wasn't exactly sure what I was looking for, but I wouldn't describe it as a quick hook up. Socializing, well in any and every type of social situation, is something I take a lot of pride in being pretty good at. That fact alone has made my seeding through the emails and chats I've received to be a bit difficult. I have met a few people off the site, some I never saw again and others that provided me with some interesting lessons. One person I met by way of an online dating site, seemed like someone I could really get to know. She was one of the first women through the site that I was equally attracted to.



The Body”: She was like nobody I had ever met before. I felt chemistry with her even before we got to spend time together, a spark that I hadn't felt in a long time. She had an amazing body that I couldn't help but imagine getting next to. We were the same age, and she had a place of her own. She also was different than other women I used to date; she was extra feminine juxtapose to the more masculine women I had dated in the past. When we met, it was difficult to make conversation (even for me) because the whole time I was thinking about how bad I wanted to kiss her. She must have felt the same thing I did because not long after I had arrived she came onto me. The physical attraction was strong, strong enough that I knew this wouldn't be the last time I would see her. As the night progressed, she and I got to know each other. We shared a passion that I had never felt before. The only problem was; never once did either one of us ever establish what we would be, what we would work towards, or even what we wanted from the other.
  For the purposes of online dating, I believe it’s best for both parties to have a mutual understanding in regards to what they want from each other. If one side thinks this is a hook up, while the other side is looking for love, this could be bad news.
What happened between her and I was just the opposite of what some consider traditional. We started with pursuing our strong attraction to each other, as opposed to talking about what we value. This proved to be the ultimate detriment and was eventually what led us to parting ways. She initially showed me signs of being romantically interested using words like "babe”, "baby", and "sweetheart". Perhaps it was me being naive believing that her terms of endearment were personal and directly reflecting how she felt about me.
After I deciphered in my mind that she was nothing more than something physical, it made me bitter. I felt played and betrayed. Something I hadn't felt since before my last serious relationship. As frustrated as it made me at times, dealing with her taught me a lot. It taught me to guard my emotions, my mind, and myself in a much higher regard than ever before.

Online dating was something that once seemed new and exciting, but it has now become redundant. All my conversations started with someone commenting on my physical attributes, but really, how sincere is that? It works as a semi-double edged sword. Although a compliment may seem like the right step towards a conversation, sometimes taking it in another direction works best. I have many friends who have found success in online dating; including a lesbian couple that has been married for close to five years now. While some of my experiences have been marginally better than others, I must say online dating has brought me life experience, as well as knowledge that I genuinely believe couldn't have been found someplace else.

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