Online Dating For The "Single White Female"

by Guest Blogger Victoria F.

22/Scorpio/White/Female/Single/College/Employed

                These bland facts don’t exactly describe me, but for the purposes of online dating, it’s all I needed. When you have an online dating profile; everything people know about you is strictly based on what you tell them. When I first decided to create one, and share my new adventure with friends, a lot of them were apprehensive to say the least. Quite a few of them warned me and said "don't get Catfished" - which has since become such an internet epidemic that MTV made a show all about it. After spending a decent amount of time on my own, I've decided to see what the internet could have to offer me. I've tried meeting people at bars or at clubs, but it doesn't usually go anywhere. Perhaps I'll exchange numbers with someone, but that never led me to an actual relationship. More often than not, clubs are filled with mostly twenty-something’s all looking for one good night. I've never been into that type of thing, and I've decided if I do get involved with somebody it would be in the exclusive sense. As I am slowly growing to appreciate my early twenties, I have also found myself to be a bit more open about my sexuality, which I believed would also provide me with more options while searching these dating sites.

Some individuals only seek hook-ups and are usually honest about that. I wasn't exactly sure what I was looking for, but I wouldn't describe it as a quick hook up. Socializing, well in any and every type of social situation, is something I take a lot of pride in being pretty good at. That fact alone has made my seeding through the emails and chats I've received to be a bit difficult. I have met a few people off the site, some I never saw again and others that provided me with some interesting lessons. One person I met by way of an online dating site, seemed like someone I could really get to know. She was one of the first women through the site that I was equally attracted to.


“The Body”: She was like nobody I had ever met before. I felt chemistry with her even before we got to spend time together, a spark that I hadn't felt in a long time. She had an amazing body that I couldn't help but imagine getting next to. We were the same age, and she had a place of her own. She also was different than other women I used to date; she was extra feminine juxtapose to the more masculine women I had dated in the past. When we met, it was difficult to make conversation (even for me) because the whole time I was thinking about how bad I wanted to kiss her. She must have felt the same thing I did because not long after I had arrived she came onto me. The physical attraction was strong, strong enough that I knew this wouldn't be the last time I would see her. As the night progressed, she and I got to know each other. We shared a passion that I had never felt before. The only problem was; never once did either one of us ever establish what we would be, what we would work towards, or even what we wanted from the other.
  For the purposes of online dating, I believe it’s best for both parties to have a mutual understanding in regards to what they want from each other. If one side thinks this is a hook up, while the other side is looking for love, this could be bad news.
What happened between her and I was just the opposite of what some consider traditional. We started with pursuing our strong attraction to each other, as opposed to talking about what we value. This proved to be the ultimate detriment and was eventually what led us to parting ways. She initially showed me signs of being romantically interested using words like "babe”, "baby", and "sweetheart". Perhaps it was me being naive believing that her terms of endearment were personal and directly reflecting how she felt about me.
After I deciphered in my mind that she was nothing more than something physical, it made me bitter. I felt played and betrayed. Something I hadn't felt since before my last serious relationship. As frustrated as it made me at times, dealing with her taught me a lot. It taught me to guard my emotions, my mind, and myself in a much higher regard than ever before.

Online dating was something that once seemed new and exciting, but it has now become redundant. All my conversations started with someone commenting on my physical attributes, but really, how sincere is that? It works as a semi-double edged sword. Although a compliment may seem like the right step towards a conversation, sometimes taking it in another direction works best. I have many friends who have found success in online dating; including a lesbian couple that has been married for close to five years now. While some of my experiences have been marginally better than others, I must say online dating has brought me life experience, as well as knowledge that I genuinely believe couldn't have been found someplace else.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Hard Femme

Image
Here's how Urban Dictionary defines a " Hard Femme ": "Not to be mistaken with the typical femme, the "hard femme" describes herself as "queer", is political, looks more feminine than masculine, and if prompted, can kick some serious ass. She doesn't need to "wear the pants" in a relationship- the hard femme rules with a dress. She not only despises the gender binary, she works to dismantle it." Navigating the queer world can be difficult. As a whole we strive to eliminate labels and break stereotypes, but along the way we have only added to them. In the binary system of (cis)man and (cis)woman, there are also several subcategories, meant to only further define  who we are as individuals. "The L Word" character Bette Porter (Jennifer Beals) a true Hard Femme For example, I could be considered many things: hard femme, stem(stud &femme), or a feminine aggressive . None of these things define who I a
Read more

The Mis-Adventures of a Lesbian Online Dater pt. 2

Image
Another online dating story to follow up the first one : One day, I was sitting with my mother, and we started talking about ways to meet people. I stressed to her the necessity of going out and meeting people in person. I told her that there is nothing compared to just meeting someone at a bar, while shopping, or through unexpected conversation. She told me that it's not the same for her generation. She believes dating for a middle aged woman isn't as simple as going to a bar and hoping for the best. I was instantly reminded of a conversation I had with a college friend, and he said that his father felt online dating was the only  way he would find love. We were both perplexed that our intelligent parents could be so wrong. For my generation, the internet is a means to hooking up . This phrase has several different meaning to different people, but one thing stays the same; hooking up  is NOT long term. It's a temporary thing that only leads to a lasting relationship i
Read more

Online Dating 101: Meeting Someone For The First Time

Image
"I'm just so excited to meet him!" she said with glee. "It's been so long since I've had such a connection with someone." These were the last words she uttered to me the day before her date stood her up. She had recently worked up the nerve to start online dating , and through Match.com she thought she had found love. He was tall, dark and handsome just like she likes them. They had been speaking for about two weeks, so meeting each other and hitting it off would be the icing on the proverbial cake.  What could go wrong? They had spent hours on the phone, started calling each other "baby" and most of all he was a great listener.   Her: "I just don't know why he could't have called?" Me: "Well, sorry ass people do shit like that..." Her: "It would have been okay if he had just told me he couldn't make it. I was so excited to meet him." Me: "On to the next one, girl."
Read more