Sunday, December 8, 2013

Online Dating 101: Meeting Someone For The First Time

"I'm just so excited to meet him!" she said with glee. "It's been so long since I've had such a connection with someone."

These were the last words she uttered to me the day before her date stood her up. She had recently worked up the nerve to start online dating, and through Match.com she thought she had found love. He was tall, dark and handsome just like she likes them. They had been speaking for about two weeks, so meeting each other and hitting it off would be the icing on the proverbial cake. 

What could go wrong? They had spent hours on the phone, started calling each other "baby" and most of all he was a great listener.

Her: "I just don't know why he could't have called?"
Me: "Well, sorry ass people do shit like that..."

Her: "It would have been okay if he had just told me he couldn't make it. I was so excited to meet him."
Me: "On to the next one, girl."

Her: "Do you think I should call him?"
Me: "You should never call him again. Ever."

Her: "Are you sure? Maybe he had car trouble.Why can't I just find a good one?"
Me: "This really isn't that bad. You've only been talking to him for                                              two weeks and you've never met."
                                             Her: "This ruined my weekend. I'm so hurt!"
My friend wasn't wrong to express her feelings, but I believed she was wrong to allow someone she had not met to cause her so much distress. In the dictionary, next to the word "cynical", there's a picture of me, and for good reason!


On this blog, I have recounted so many of lesbian online dating stories. Detailing all of my wins and losses for the internet to see. One thing I haven't really touched on, is how to deal with meeting someone you've met online for the first time.

Once your new online dating romance has gone from the keyboard to the phone, you're just one step away from meeting. In the past, I've made sure to meet this new person soon after we start talking regularly. Why do I move to meet strangers online so quickly?

...because nothing compares to sharing space with someone and seeing how you all interact in person.

online dating changeistheconstant.com image
Of course, you have to be safe about it, so meet in a public place. Also, I try not to get my hopes up prior to meeting a new interest. Just because we've shared some laughs in a text message doesn't mean we may feel romantically about one another after meeting. Usually, when you've taken the time to fill out a profile, and select just the right flirty photo - you're not looking for a new friend. This means that you want to feel something. Chemistry through conversations doesn't always translate into physical chemistry.

There has never been a time when I've had a meet up after talking with someone online, that I've been sorely disappointed. This is because I constantly remind myself that a few days of good conversation does not mean that we are in a relationship. There's no exact science to dating and relationships. There is no formula for success, but there are definitely some ways to better your chances.

How to Meet Someone You've Met Online for the First Time:

1. While getting to know this person make sure to find out important information, such as full name, where they are from, etc.
2. After a few days of consistent talking, set up a day to meet.
3. If you sense some hesitation from this person, don't be afraid to ask why.
4. If your new boo has no real reason why they don't want to meet you, move on!
5. If your new boo does what to meet, yay!
6. Meet in a location you're both familiar with, preferably a public place.
7. Make sure that whatever you choose to wear makes you feel confident. Confidence is sexy!
8. If you meet your new boo, and they aren't physically attractive to you, stay a while and just get to know the person. Avoid being rude, but try and let the person know that you may not be romantically attracted to them.
9. If you meet your new boo and the chemistry is automatic, yay number two!
10. No matter what, understand that this is only your first time meeting, and that you both still have so many options. Nothing about this is final.

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