Thursday, July 17, 2014

You Date Black Girls?


When I woke up that morning, I chose an outfit that would make me feel pretty. Whenever I help my mom pick out "date" clothes, I always ask her if she feels confident, and today that burden fell on me. The feelings attached to your "date outfit" have to make you walk with confidence, and most of all let your date know that you're a bad bitch. 

As I walked up to the bar I saw her sitting on the front steps, blonde hair tucked behind her ear; attention focused on her phone. When she looked up we locked eyes from afar and I couldn't help but wave. It's funny how little control you have over your body when you're nervous. We looked each other over and I couldn't help but wondering why this petite, attractive, white woman had any interest in me.

Okay, so before you start calling me a fool you have to see where I'm coming from. My Civil War mentality doesn't just stem from ignorance. In my research(dating/flirting) history there have been very little women outside of my own race that have taken interest in me. Every other leap year, I'll meet a white woman that actually finds me appealing and usually I'm interested too, but once again it rarely happens. Also, I feel like I'm too big for them. Now at this point I probably sound ridiculous, but I just feel like they prefer women with less body. I'm a full bodied woman. 

Once inside, we started talking as we had online. Briefly going through the work day and sharing the impersonal version of the stories that had lead us to where we are now. It's bad taste to bring up past relationships so we skimmed over those topics making sure to circle back to anything else. 

The atmosphere provided us with few distractions, so it really encouraged us to focus on the topic at hand: getting to know each other. Although I pride myself in being a conversationalist, I was at a loss slightly and I found myself wanting to ask her one of the most self-conscious questions; "do you like me?" 

We left the bar and walked over to another bar I had never been to. The eager security guard held open the door and invited us to watch the drag show. With a single glance we both decided this was exactly what we wanted to do. She paid for my ticket and we took our seats.
One of the easiest ways to show someone you're interested in them is through touch, so while we enjoyed the show I got a little closer and brushed against her, letting her know I didn't just want to be her friend. As the drinks started to flow, we loosened up and overall I think we both had a great time. 

Dating is a self inflicted social experiment aimed at making two strangers get to know one another in as little time as possible. I do my best to move past the awkward stage and into the "I don't know you but I'm comfortable"stage. Comfort is the magic ingredient in every relationship in our lives. Of course, that level varies for each person we interact with. Coworkers are at a different level than your party friends and your party friends are at a different level than your close friends. On this date my comfort level was off, simply because I was so wildly ignorant. I assumed long ago that my brown skin was simply unattractive to anyone outside of the "ethnic category". As progressive as I am, I still have so much to learn and several insecurities to overcome.


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