New York City made me feel alive. The city seemed to embrace all that was weird, misunderstood, unapologetic and creative. In NYC, I could be anyone that I wanted to be because the spotlight shined on all of us. There was nothing that seemed unobtainable when I lived in that beautiful city.
Since moving things have dramatically changed. I have become isolated, uncommunicative and somewhat aloof. All that made me who I was seems to be muted. There is no spotlight in New Jersey only tolls and jughandles. Yes, moving here was completely based on my career but I'm starting to realize that my environment means more to me than I once thought.
The rent is too damn high! Metrocards go up every month, while the trains slow down. Drinks are fucking over priced but goddamn it, I cannot think of a time when I was happier. Something has to change.
Ricardo and Raymond were the first. Kwame was next. Then there was Tony, Joya, Tinesha and probably some others I forgot but I completely lost touch with all these people I saw regularly. I stopped talking to them because I was ashamed. Part of me equated leaving NYC to failure and I didn't want them to think less of me for leaving. I left for a pay raise and a better position, but I left the city for the suburbs and that's just not cool. What really isn't cool is ignoring phone calls just because your hiding from your friends. Eventually they stopped calling because... out of sight out of mind.
I've become an island. Only a few have ever touched my shores and even less have gotten through the jungle. The butterfly that flittered through New York is no longer here.
So here's the plan:
Step1: rediscover myself
Step 2: change the course
Step 3: breathe
Step 4: make moves
Step 5: LIVE
Step 6: repeat steps 3-5
I am the master of my own destiny and I have ZERO to lose so it's time to take action. Being happy isn't a passive thing, it requires work.
It may not be NYC. Shit, I don't know where I'll end up, but I no one thing for certain: I'll be leaving the island.