Wait, She's Gay?!

What is it about finding out that someone is queer that totally makes them more attractive and slightly more interesting?

Last week I purchased Abbi Jacobson’s book of essays, “I Might Regret This” and it’s beautiful. The book kicks off with her detailing how she just never thought that she would fall in love and then she does, and it’s with a woman. It isn’t that she ever blocked women as potential partners but something clicked and then she was in love.

I was first introduced to Abbi through a coworker. She would recall moments in episodes of Broad City until she told me it was something I had to watch. She was right. Broad City is this dope depiction of New York City through the eyes of two white girls that support each other through the highs and lows of their lives. Opposed to Friends, Broad City does depict NYC as diverse as it truly is.

On the show, Ilana comes off as more likely to be queer so I loved Abbi for different reasons. Now that Abbi has given us a look into her personal life – things are a bit different. Now I’m looking to follow her on IG and Twitter. Looking at her a little longer in photos and day-dreaming about how crazy it would be if we met while walking down a street in NYC. All of this happened after I read the first few chapters of the book and found out she also dates women. Is it the shining light of hope that has made her more attractive? Am I numb to women I presume are hetero because there’s no opportunity there?

Still, there is something to be said about finding another queer person when you least expect it. It’s almost like they glow until you finally make contact and affirm each other through mutual gayness. This is all true of course until you’re surrounded by gays and can’t approach a single one.

Why does it work that way – especially in the lesbian scene?

In a conversation with a cis-hetero co-worker, she told me that it’s almost seen as creepy when a guy approaches her even if it’s done respectfully. I was befuddled. It takes courage to approach someone you’re interested in and to be rejected for trying to meet someone in person sounds painful. Reject him because you’re not interested. Reject him because you’re already involved, not because you’re embarrassed.

Do lesbians feel the same way? From what I’ve heard/seen we adore the confidence but we have trouble finding it in ourselves. I’ve even had other lesbian friends base their whole attraction to someone on confidence. Saving this for another post because there’s so much to unpack.


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